Evil Dead (2013) – Movie Review – part 3
Aka: 50 reasons why the new Evil Dead Movie SUCKS! Part 3
***This review is a total spoiler, please do not read if you intend to see the film. ***
This post contains Reasons 41 – 50, on why the new Evil Dead movie sucks!
If you haven’t read reasons 1 – 26, click here:
Evil Dead Remake sucks reasons 1 – 26
If you haven’t read reasons 27 – 40, click here:
Evil Dead Remake sucks reasons 27 – 40
Reasons 41 thru 50 are visual comparisons. Very simple. Pic the one that looks scarier, more grotesque, more atmospheric. Pic the one that you would take with you to the desert island if you could only take one.
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The Necronomicon:
Winner: Evil Dead 1981
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The Cabin
Winner: Evil Dead 1981
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Deadite in the Cellar
Big eyes – vs. – No eyes
Winner: Evil Dead 1981 – no eyes or just whites is always scarier
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Removing limbs
Winner: Evil Dead 1981
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Hero /Heroine
Heroin Heroine – vs. – love struck loser
Winner: Love Struck Loser
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Bloody Hero
The new guy – vs. – Ash
Winner: Ash, come on!
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Motivation
I did it for my sister – vs. – I did it for love
Winner: Ash
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Possessed girl number 2
Crawling friend – vs. – ugly possessed sister
Winner: Evil Dead 1981 – possessed sister’s face is just disturbing
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Friends in need
Friend turns into a whining bitch
– vs. –
Friend turns into a snaggle-toothed demon
No contest ! 1981
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Deadite in the cellar – pic 2
Both creepy looking but…
Winner: Evil Dead 1981 – Crusty, no-eyed, blue-face just creeps me out more.
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So, some may ask, why? Why would I go psycho on this remake when I seemed to have given a pass on Texas Chainsaw and many other remakes that have been just as cookie cutter, Hollywood formula, insta-hits?
The answer is I’m SICK OF IT!
I had been duped into thinking this film was going to be a remake worthy of carrying the name of the original, but it wasn’t. Unfortunately, Hollywood will continue to drain our pockets by selling crap, wrapped in familiar packaging. I’m tired of seeing the movies I love get dragged through the mud by lame sequels and inferior remakes.
I had asked someone about Pumpkinhead the other day. She told me that she didn’t like those movies. Further investigation revealed that she NEVER SAW the original Pumpkinhead and her whole opinion of it was based on some lousy, cheap sequels. THE ORIGINAL is the only important one. And I couldn’t even convince her to watch it because her mind is made up, forever.
In no way am I saying the original Evil Dead 1981 is perfect and doesn’t have flaws. The difference is that it was so original when it came out, we didn’t have the time to think about the faults. We were just shell-shocked, amazed and in horrific wonderment at the spectacle. US horror films have lost all of their originality. The best stories, films, and ideas are coming from other countries these days. (France, Australia, New-Zealand, Asian countries)
Just give me something original, damn-it! Is that too much to ask?
parlor of horror 
Pumpkinhead! Great movie – why can they not make great B movies like this any longer?
I wrote a horror screenplay; do you want to read? Maybe you will find more satisfaction in it than most US films at the theater. lol. I think it’s better than most new stuff coming out. I think the theme of the story is pretty unique and the execution is creative. I try to make sure I avoid typical cliches.
I am honored that you would want to send it to me. But I must decline, I think you should send it to those who can really do something with it.
I wasn’t sending it to you in hopes of you doing anything with it. I just thought you may enjoy reading it b/c I feel it’s better than most of the current horror stuff coming out and was curious if you agreed.
Whining bitch or snagletooth demon, classic!
Well when you put it that way it’s obvious.
But you forgot Sam Raimi
Vs.
Fede Alvarez
Winner: Sam Raimi
True, true! 🙂
I actually enjoyed the 2013 Evil dead but I also couldn’t find any valid arguments against any of your points either. While it pales in comparison to any of the original trilogy, as a fun and gory little horror movie it worked for me.
Cool post(s) though!
The thing is, it did not need to be called Evil Dead and I would have respected it more if it wasn’t.
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Really enjoyed reading these, great work, very funny, full of quality rage! I haven’t seen the remake yet (spoilers bother me not) and I probably will go and see it at the cinema, my expectations weren’t super high anyway, they have now been duly lowered further!
Good luck, actually a lot of people kinda’ like it so… let me know what you think.
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That picture of the best friend is of Ed from “Evil Dead II”, not Scotty from “The Evil Dead”. Actually, if anything describes Scotty’s deadite, it was his dog nose.
Thanks JT, my bad. Yeah Scotty gets his eyes pushed in by Ash. I think I’ll just leave it anyway cause the remake kinda’ covers both ED 1 and ED II.
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Awesome!!! I read the whole three parts and I couldn’t agree more! haha everything is so true and made me laugh at how conventional/unrealistic the remake is. Great posts!
lol, it made me laugh when I was writing it 😀