Now streaming on Netflix, the Horror, the Horror…
****This is a public service announcement****
I urge you to not waste your time on these films. I have suffered, so you can be free of bad horror film choices in your quest for Halloween viewing.
In Search of Lovecraft (2008) – I wasted all this time watching badly filmed, terribly acted, low quality fodder for one tentacle? That’s it? ONE DAMN TENTACLE!? That’s all we get to see?
Fear Island (2009) – I can see the damn mainland right over your shoulder, it’s a short swim. Just get off the f**king island, duh!
The Gift (2000) – A tarot card reader has a hard time in a redneck town of wife beaters, abusive parents, and drunks. Barely supernatural, mostly drama-natural.
The Skeptic (2009) – Another thriller perfect for the Hallmark Channel. A mysterious closet filled with crosses, move away and count your losses.
The Hole (2009) – Deep and dark, (get your mind outta’ the gutter). I’ll jump in the hole myself if I have to watch anymore of this G-Rated pseudo-horror. Joe Dante, I am disappointed.
Ghost from the Machine (2010) – This snooze-fest really won awards? Watch a guy fiddle with wires = entertainment?
The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012) – The title is more interesting than the film, fell asleep watching it at 1:00 in the afternoon. (and I only got up at 11:00am)
The Corridor (2010) – dudes on a long walk through the snow covered countryside get stuck in the dome, but it’s not a dome, it’s a corridor. They get nosebleeds, they complain about their crumby lives, they fly – no one knows why.
The Mooring (2012) – Rhymes with what? Take a guess boys and girls… Yes, that’s right, BORING.
A Haunting at Silver Falls (2013) – more horror lite for the Hallmark Channel.
The Graves (2010) – It aspires to be the Hills Have Eyes but falls way short. There’s gotta’ be some better roles for Tony Todd out there… he was Candyman damn it! At least the cleavage sisters make for some good eye-candy.
Lovely Molly (2011) – She’s not lovely, she’s crazy. After an hour and a half she kills her husband. Oh, spoiler alert, oops!
The Pumpkin Karver (2006) – horror film tip #32, if you have sucky make-up FX, don’t shoot in HD.
Fingerprints (2006) Dialogue of this film sounds like my 15 year old daughter could have written it. Four local teens go to test the theory of a local urban legend, one girl sees the ghost of a child, the rest moan and complain about it for the remainder of the movie.
And, in the interest of fair play, I offer this:
Films on Netflix streaming that you could watch (if you haven’t already) – decent enough for the one time watch or because they are worthy of repeated viewing.
The Faculty, Mimic, John Dies at the End, I Spit on Your Grave (original), Identity, Slither, Galaxy of Terror, A Shock to the System, Event Horizon, Reanimator, Tales From the Hood, Theater Bizarre, Along Came a Spider, The Prophecy, The Bay, Darkness Falls, They, Demon Knight, The Legend of Hell House, and Evil Dead 2
Now on Netflix Streaming: Horror movies