The 5 Worst Horror Remakes

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The 5 Worst Horror Remakes

Remakes, reboots, whatever you want to call it, it’s all the same.

Naturally, for Hollywood, the only reason for a remake is $$$$. Selling tickets without having to do the work of promoting it because us horror fans are dumb and we’ll buy anything that sounds familiar.

To reiterate:
To me, there are only three reasons to do a remake.

1 – special effects improvements – advancements in film and effects technology will make the film visually appealing to a modern audience.
2 – expand the storyline – modernizing a film and bring it to date with the moods, opinions, and conscience of the changing world views.
3 – make a better film – an old b-movie can often be remade into a summer blockbuster or serious representative of its genre.

dog-pooping

The following films failed on all counts!

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The 5 Worst horror movie Remakes of all time:

1 – The Fog (2005) – total garbage, waste of plastic.

2 – Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) – this isn’t even as good as the TV series… and that sucked!

3 – Planet of the Apes (2001) – Good looking apes, I’ll give you that, but not nearly as powerful as the original with its allegory sentiments and mind-blowing surprises.

4 – Texas Chainsaw 3D – (2013) –  Leatherface, the hero? Give me a f***ing break!

5 – Evil Dead (2013) – one big giant plot-hole dunked in a sh*t hole.

the-fog nightmare-elm-street-1 planet-of-the-apes 2001  texas-chainsaw-3d evil_dead_2013

Dishonorable mentions:

Carnival of Souls (1998) – Incoherent drivel!

Fright Night (2013) – ooh, more sparkly vampires! Just what we needed.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark (2011) – Boring, snooze-fest.

carnival-o-souls fright-night dont-be-afraid-dark

(click on dvd covers to see reviews in original posts)

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But that is not the end folks, Hollywood has planned or is in production for the following remakes and reboots in the coming year(s):

Cujo

Beetlejuice

Chucky / Child’s Play

The Crow

Gremlins

Poltergeist

Weird Science

Suspiria

An American Werewolf in London

Angel Heart

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

It

Jacobs Ladder

Rosemary’s Baby

Scanners

The Changeling

Creature From The Black Lagoon

The Entity

The Gate

The Fly

The Monster Squad

Videodrome

Pet Sematary

Mad Max

The Orphanage

Barbarelladog-pooping

WarGames

The Birds

Escape From New York

Westworld

I’m sure there’s others, add to my list of remakes Hollywood is working on.
Also, let me know your most hated remakes!

26 thoughts on “The 5 Worst Horror Remakes

  1. These all (I liked the Evil Dead remake somewhat) deserve to be up here. What the hell were they thinking? I mean, The Fog? Really? Ugh.

    Dont be Afraid of the Dark was indeed a borefest. So uninspired and sloooow. I wonder how that Poltergeist remake will fare. I didn’t know they were re-making The Changeling. That’s sacrilege!!!

    • I know some people liked ED 2013 and I think my visceral dislike of it has something to do with how much I worshipped the original. I guess that could be true for all remakes to a certain extent, if the original was one of your faves, the remake is not going to sit well in your mind.
      The studios seem to be systematically remaking all of Carpenter’s films to detach his name from them – clearly trying to screw him out of future royalties.
      I really hate that they are remaking ‘The Birds,’ there is absolutely no way it is going to come close to Hitchcock’s masterpeice!

      • Yeah, JC really relies on those royalties, too. That man loves to get a paycheck. He loves it whenever they make another Halloween film or sequel.

        But yeah, way too many remakes and I agree if the original is highly regarded then a redo will not sit well with most.

        The Birds remake really sounds like a bad idea. We’ll see.

      • Well, that’s the thing, by remaking Halloween, they cut John Carpenter out of the royalties – I believe RZ got a flat fee for making the film and now the studio gets all the $$$. Now they can make as many Halloween films as they want and say it is a sequel to the remake and pay Carpenter nothing, ‘0’, ziltch, nada! It was the same way they cut the Stoker family out of getting any royalties for subsequent Dracula films.

      • Ah. Thanks for clarifying that. I was confused. In so many of his interviews, JC claims he gets a check or flat fee for any Halloween film (or sequel) they had made but that was for any films made before the remake, then? And now he gets nothing? Damn. That sucks.

        I knew about the Stoker family. That was too bad.

  2. Agreed: all of these remakes sucked wind.
    I cannot fathom anyone would try to remake The Birds. A bunch of CGI gulls jerking around just won’t be scary. Period.
    One coming remake on your list, Angel Heart, I sort of look forward to because the original sucked and LOVED that book, Falling Angel. If they do manage to capture the book in the remake, I could look to a future in which remakes may still hold out the promise of excellence, however slim.

  3. My least favorite remake of all time was Psycho. I didn’t even finish it. I’m getting bored with all the remakes. You would think people had stopped writing books, or something.

    • The Psycho remake was a line for line, scene for scene, carbon copy – It was totally redundant. No actor could match Anthony Perkin’s portrayal of the Norman Bates character. I seem to like remakes that veer off the original somewhat but not too far – it’s a delicate balance.

      • I agree. That brings a question. I noticed Beetlejuice in your list. Is that a remake or a sequel? I had heard that Burton and Keaton were both going to be involved.

  4. Is nothing sacred anymore? If they touch Attack of the Killer Tomato’s I don’t know what to think! There is no way they can pull off that slap stick . I guess we just wait and watch and avoid the steaming piles of dog poo.

  5. Forgot to mention. I’d be interested to see what they do with Angel Heart. That was an excellent movie and why I fell in love with Mickey Rourke. The Entity was also excellent but I have a feeling they will go overbaord with the special affects. Part of the appeal for that one was nuance.

  6. The only ones here that I saw were Planet of the apes (lame) and Fright Night (dull). I normally avoid modern remakes particularly because I know they’ll miss the mark. The kind of films that should remade should be ones that had potential but didn’t quite work the first time. Those type of films have ideas that deserve another shot. Instead we get people trying to tackle films that got it right the first time so you know it’s going to fall short of the original.

  7. The Evil Dead remake really seems to divide opinion. A lot of people loved it. Not surprising to see A Nightmare on Elm Street on your list. I tried to get someone to review it on my site as part of my series of Elm Street posts, but understandably no one was keen.

    • I guess the horror visuals in ED 2013 were okay but, perhaps because I’m a writer, I always look at the story and for me it was loaded with plot holes, dues ex machina, and didn’t even follow its own mythology which it had stated near the begining of the film – I couldn’t get past those glaring incongruencies. However, yes, I know a lot of people liked it.

      • I shudder to think of the future remakes of “High Tension” and “The Descent” and….and…and…and if anyone has the temerity to remake “The Exorcist” I will sharpen the chainsaw and head to Hollywood!

  8. Oh my God…all of those remakes are being made?! Consider me disgusted. Lol. I will admit that of your dishonorable mentions, I actually quite like Fright Night, but I haven’t seen the original, so seeing that may change my mind. Haha.

    • I guess if you didn’t see the original Frigh Night first, you wouldn’t see what the big deal was, its campy, hokey and melodramatic – but for those who saw it when they were young, it was spaecial 🙂

  9. The thought of anyne trying to reissue “The Descent” is ludicrous, but way back when… I never thought I’d live to see “The Fog” , “Hallloween”, or “Pyscho” remade.

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