Now on Netflix Streaming, Horror !
spring forward, 2014 edition
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*** This is a public service announcement***
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The ugly truth – stay away from these dumb and dumber ‘wanna be’ horror flix!
Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013)
The first scene in this film is Grizzly Adams getting his head split on a CGI lumber saw, complete with CGI blood splashing about in all its glory. Another bad CGI Syfy feature with paper cut-out characters and a lame plot.
Grim (1995)
Opening titles were done on someone’s MAC in their bedroom, circa 1995. A Ouija Board brings forth a big supernatural ape who partially possesses a woman and hides in miles of underground caves beneath a suburban town. Did you hear what I said? A supernatural Ape! (WTF?)
Bad Kids Go to Hell (2012)
Seriously? Bad kids in Saturday detention is the setting for this film. Breakfast Club copy-cat characters with a murderer 
among them. Yawn…
Night Vision (2011)
Aside from a raucous sex scene, this is Misery with younger, less-interesting characters and dull dialogue. Note: Watch sex-scene and remove from queue!
Believe (2000)
I tried to watch this several times and it was just blasé. Perhaps you’ll have better luck with it, but I doubt it. Features a pre-teen, Elisha Cuthbert.
Breeders (1997) 
(not to get confused with Breeders – 1986) A meteor lands at a woman’s college and births a monster and a vixen. The vixen runs around in an outfit left over from the set of Mad Max. The monster plods around in a 
costume that is apparently too heavy for the actor to even move. No breeding or mating ever happens in this film – disappointment ensues.
Doghouse (2009)
This film wants so bad to be Shawn of the Dead. Lame jokes, lame zombies, lame movie!
Black Forest (2012)
Another low-budget film where people walk around in the woods endlessly and talk about how scary it is. The description of this flick sounds so much better than the actual film.
Dracula 3000 (2004)
Apparently, someone bought a cape at Party City and decided to build a movie around it. Clearly filmed in a submarine – not a spaceship. Coolio, this is very un-coolio!
Atrocious (2010)
Spanish found footage film with little to add to the genre, but I love when the title describes the film perfectly! Review in one word: Atrocious.
100 Ghost Street: the Return of Richard Speck (2010)
Another terrible FFFF film – Found Footage Film Fodder. Don’t you love when they purposely bounce and shake the camera around, because no one knows – not even amateurs – that you should try and keep a camera steady when recording. Seriously, I’m getting dizzy.
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- Got an Axe to grind !
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- Same masking effects as King Kong (1933)
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- Bad breakfast club copy-cat
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- The supernatural ape strikes again!
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- always happened at my school…
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- Should’ve gone golfing the day of the shoot.
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- Didn’t get a ticket for speeding 🙂
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- Copying a scene from Blair Witch? Really!?
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- This movie is very Un-Coolio
In the interest of fair-play, here are some good movies currently being offered on Netflix Streaming. Watch these instead!
Good Views:
Silence of the Lambs, Tales from the Darkside: the Movie, Dead End, Satan’s Little Helper, Trapped Ashes, ParaNorman, Darkness Falls, Pet Sematary, Devil, Fright Night (1985), Evil Dead 2, A Haunting in Connecticut, They, Creepshow 2,
And for some oldies but goodies:
Black Sabbath, The Angry Red Planet, House on Haunted Hill, and The Blood Beast Terror.
parlor of horror 