Evil Dead (2013) – Movie Review – part 3

Evil Dead (2013)  – Movie Review – part 3

Aka: 50 reasons why the new Evil Dead Movie SUCKS! Part 3

***This review is a total spoiler, please do not read if you intend to see the film. ***

This post contains Reasons 41 – 50, on why the new Evil Dead movie sucks!

If you haven’t read reasons 1 – 26, click here:
Evil Dead  Remake sucks reasons 1 – 26

If you haven’t read reasons 27 – 40, click here:
Evil Dead  Remake sucks reasons 27 – 40

Reasons 41 thru 50 are visual comparisons. Very simple. Pic the one that looks scarier, more grotesque, more atmospheric. Pic the one that you would take with you to the desert island if you could only take one.

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The Necronomicon:

Winner: Evil Dead 1981

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The Cabin

Winner: Evil Dead 1981

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Deadite in the Cellar

Big eyes – vs. – No eyes

Winner: Evil Dead 1981 – no eyes or just whites is always scarier

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Removing limbs

Winner: Evil Dead 1981

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Hero /Heroine

 　

Heroin Heroine – vs. – love struck loser

Winner: Love Struck Loser

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Bloody Hero

 

The new guy – vs. – Ash

Winner: Ash, come on!

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Motivation

　

I did it for my sister – vs. – I did it for love

Winner: Ash

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Possessed girl number 2

 

Crawling friend – vs. – ugly possessed sister

Winner: Evil Dead 1981 – possessed sister’s face is just disturbing

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Friends in need

　

Friend turns into a whining bitch
– vs. –
Friend turns into a snaggle-toothed demon

No contest ! 1981

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Deadite in the cellar – pic 2

Both creepy looking but…

Winner: Evil Dead 1981 – Crusty, no-eyed, blue-face just creeps me out more.

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So, some may ask, why? Why would I go psycho on this remake when I seemed to have given a pass on Texas Chainsaw and many other remakes that have been just as cookie cutter, Hollywood formula, insta-hits?

The answer is I’m SICK OF IT!

I had been duped into thinking this film was going to be a remake worthy of carrying the name of the original, but it wasn’t. Unfortunately, Hollywood will continue to drain our pockets by selling crap, wrapped in familiar packaging. I’m tired of seeing the movies I love get dragged through the mud by lame sequels and inferior remakes.

I had asked someone about Pumpkinhead the other day. She told me that she didn’t like those movies. Further investigation revealed that she NEVER SAW the original Pumpkinhead and her whole opinion of it was based on some lousy, cheap sequels. THE ORIGINAL is the only important one. And I couldn’t even convince her to watch it because her mind is made up, forever.

In no way am I saying the original Evil Dead 1981 is perfect and doesn’t have flaws. The difference is that it was so original when it came out, we didn’t have the time to think about the faults. We were just shell-shocked, amazed and in horrific wonderment at the spectacle. US horror films have lost all of their originality. The best stories, films, and ideas are coming from other countries these days. (France, Australia, New-Zealand, Asian countries)

Just give me something original, damn-it! Is that too much to ask?

Evil Dead (2013) – Movie Review – part II

Evil Dead (2013)  – Movie Review – part II

Aka: 50 reasons why the new Evil Dead Movie SUCKS! Part II

***This review is a total spoiler, please do not read if you intend to see the film. ***

This post contains Reasons 27 – 40, on why the new Evil Dead movie sucks!

If you haven’t read reasons 1 – 26, click here:
Evil Dead  Remake sucks reasons 1 – 26

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Okay, I had asked another reviewer, did it really need to be named, Evil Dead? My contention is that Hollywood loves to hijack branded names, just so they can make the biggest buck the quickest way possible and they don‘t even care if they are actual “remakes“ or have anything in common with the originals.

I think if Rob Zombie’s, Halloween was not named Halloween, a lot more people would have liked and respected it. With the Friday the 13^th remake, if you had changed the mask and didn’t call the camp grounds, “Crystal Lake” it could have been a brand new movie. On the other hand, War of the Worlds was definitely close to the book and could not have been called anything else. Same with Willard (both of which I thought were great remakes).

So, my reasons 27 – 33 are based on the decision to call this Evil Dead rather than, let’s say, Horror in the Woodlands, or something like that.

Did it really need to be called, Evil Dead?
The answer is… No!

The reasons to call it Evil Dead don’t hold up.

27) A cabin in the woods  – is in no less than 30 other horror movies.

28) The Necronomicon – is in no less than 18 movies. Besides they didn’t even call it the Necronomicon in this one.

29) Possessed women? At least 28 films have possessed women, many of which have been made in the last 10 years.

30) A Chainsaw? There’s at least 10 movies with the word ‘chainsaw’ in the title, alone!

31) Cut off your own arm? Even a non-horror film has that in it, ‘127 Hours.’

32) Evil entity in the woods – there’s a film every weekend on the Scy-Fy channel with this theme.

33) Pays homage to the first film – the movie Cabin In the Woods was a better tribute to the original Evil Dead than this remake.

 

Reasons 34 – 40 are comparisons to the original Evil Dead

Before I go on from here, we have to make a clear distinction between Evil Dead and Evil Dead II. The original Evil Dead was a more serious film with a straight forward horror style. It contained only two or three real ‘comedy gags’ in the whole film. (Ash does not cut off his hand in the 1^st film). ED II was more campy, funny and purposely leaning into dark comedy territory. If you have not seen the original Evil Dead in a while, it is time for a revisit. I watched it last night 🙂

34) The original Evil Dead had some serious atmosphere and suspense. The cabin, the mist, the dead trees all around the cabin delivered a foreboding, and you knew it was ‘wrong’ from the moment the group arrived. The new Evil Dead had NO atmosphere to speak of. Wanting to keep full tilt action in the remake also garnered very little actual suspense. Suspense is often created by the lull preceding a scary action or event and the anticipation of something about to happen.

35) Some claim the new Evil Dead is the goriest film they’ve ever seen. I think the original was gorier! Why? Pencil in the Achilles tendon, ‘nuff said!

36) Some claim the new Evil Dead was the bloodiest film. The original had Ash lop off his resurrected girlfriend’s head with a shovel and her body come to rest on top of him, squirting blood from her neck, right into his face! Blood from the rain doesn’t count, besides the band Slayer did that in live shows years ago!

37) The new one had a knot of tree branches crawl up Mia’s skirt. The original had a thick tree branch…uh… I can’t even talk about it. The whole scene in the original was just so much more disturbing.

38) The new one had a girl cutting her face with a piece of glass. The original had Ash stick his thumbs into a deadites eyes and all the way into its blood spewing skull.

39) The sound construction and composition in the original was half of the creepiness. The low hum as something unseen moved through the woods, the voices of the deadites, the jarring volume of slamming storm-shutters on the windows. All of these aspects made the original Evil Dead a better sounding film.

40) In the original, the deadite in the basement makes fun of the survivors – this to me is the ultimate evil, to have such a disregard for life that it would mock survivors – seems like something true evil would do. “I don’t wanna’ die! I don’t wanna’ die!”

Okay, hope ya’all enjoying this so far.
Tune in soon for my dramatic conclusion – reasons 41 thru 50