Hide Here! Rooms Least Likely to Get You Killed

GUEST BLOG POST: Eddie D. Shackleford

—————————————————

Hide Here!  Rooms Least Likely to Get You Killed

Our homes are our sanctuaries.  They are where we go to relax, keep our belongings, and most importantly, protect ourselves from the terrors outside. Unfortunately, it’s hard to do the latter when horror movie killers, creatures, and other things that go bump in the night decide to make themselves welcome in our homes.  Once inside, they leave victims few places to hide.

Here are the rooms of the typical house which will give you the best chance of survival—from the worst to the best—should you find yourself in the company of a threatening, unwelcome guest in your home.

6. Bedroom
Topping off the list as the room with probably the most death tolls in all of horror cinema is the bedroom.  It’s a tasty choice for many a killer because it’s the usual place we go when we are at our most vulnerable—sleepy time.  Killers know that while we’re sawing logs we’re oblivious to their creaking footsteps or the ominous shadow they cast over our bed.
friday the 13th - Hide Here

Friday the 13th

For those actually lucky enough to be awake, the bedroom is also home to the ever popular hiding under the bed or in the closet.  Bad move.  You can expect the menace to thoroughly check both of those spots, if they didn’t crawl out of one of them to begin with.
poltergeist - hide here

Movie: Poltergeist

With no way of defending ourselves, the bedroom is the undisputed leader in certain death.  Sleep tight.

5. Bathroom
The bathroom is another terrible choice for several reasons.

First, people only use bathrooms to do a few things—all of which leave us exposed and defenseless.  Spooks thrive on this.  They get a kick out of being behind folks when we shut the medicine cabinet.
psycho - hide here

Movie: Psycho

Second, hiding in the bathroom leaves you trapped.  Most bathrooms have only one entrance, which, of course, is also the only way out.  Furthermore, they are generally small; leaving little range of motion should you pry off the shower rod to use as a weapon.
Dawn of the dead - hide here

Movie: Dawn of the Dead

If you are going to use the bathroom to hide, at least check behind the shower curtain upon entering.

4. Basement/Attic
Not every home has both, so we’re lumping these two dark, cob-web-ridden rooms together.  If you do have both, that’s unfortunate.  You’ve just halved your chances of survival.

Basements and attics are, by nature, the creepiest places in the house.  They contain boxes of cursed family artifacts, possessed dolls, magic books, skeletal remains, and a hodgepodge of other things that should generally be avoided.
insidious - hide here

Movie: Insidious

Sadly, people are all too curious, snooping around despite the creaky boards, lack of light, and cats jumping out of corners—awakening demons, restless spirits, and ghouls in the process.
evil dead - hide here

Movie: Evil Dead

If you’re going to hide in the basement or attic, just know that you’ll probably have to return there to send your killer back to the nether from whence they came.

3. Kitchen
While the Kitchen has been the scene for many grizzly deaths, it’s usually because of victim’s lack of intelligence rather than lack of resources.

For instance, though the kitchen doesn’t have much room for hiding, it provides useful tools to help combat the attacker such as knives, pans, blenders, you name it.
Gremlins - hide here

Movie: Gremlins

Kitchens in larger homes often have multiple exit points for quick escape.  And if you’re lucky enough to have doors to the kitchen, lock them, hunker down, and wait out the killer.  You’ll have plenty of food and water.

Watch out for tile and spilled blood.  That’s a good way to slip and slow you down.

2. Garage
Should you have the chance to make it to the garage, you’re doing ok.  Not too many victims in horror have drawn their last breath in the domestic carport.  A deserved exception can be seen in Scream.
PA 4 - hide here

Movie: Paranormal Activity 4

Your chances of survival improve dramatically if your power hasn’t been cut off yet, as there is a giant door ready to let you out into the free world.  If your power is out and you can’t reach the manual lever to the garage door, fear not!  The garage is essentially an armory, with weed whackers, hedge trimmers, shovels, and other makeshift weapons at your disposal.

Check out how resourceful the heroine is in Paranormal Activity 4, when trapped in the garage.  The whole series, which is probably now on demand with most cable and satellite providers, actually provides a good case study on good and bad places to hide in the home.

1. Laundry Room
If you find yourself in the laundry room during a horror movie home invasion, congratulations!  You’ve chosen the best place to hide.
laundry room - hide here

Source: http://www.simplifiedbee.com

What the laundry room lacks in space and defenses, it makes up for in the sheer fact that hardly anyone would think to look there.  Plus, who wants to get all those nice linens all bathed in red?  No one, that’s who.  Not even killers and monsters.

Bonus points if you’re small enough to fit in the dryer.  Just hope the killer doesn’t turn it on.

At the end of the day, there’s a good chance none of these places will keep you safe forever.  But know that some are better than others and you should choose wisely before deciding to stake out in one.

And as for the bedroom— it’s best you just make it another laundry room.  No one will be the wiser.

——————————————————-

AUTHOR: Eddie D. Shackleford

 BIO: Eddie is a TV, movie and entertainment blogger for direct4TV.com.  Look to him for the scoop on hit movies and TV shows, sports, tech reviews, how-to’s, and more. You can follow Eddie @Eddie20Ford

The Remake Scoreboard / Horror Icons

The Remake Scoreboard – Horror movie remakes – the good and bad list. Thumbs up or thumbs down and two or three sentences why.
—————————————————————————————————-

The Horror Icons: Freddie, Jason, Michael, Leatherface, the Deads

Night of the Living Dead (remake – 1990)
(original 1968)
Directed by Tom Savini, this remake is most noted for exceptional performances by Tony Todd (as Ben) and a much more heroic Barbara played by Patricia Tallman. Sure it doesn’t have the same creepy vibe as the 1968 classic but the zombie details are stunning and it provides a great little twist at the very end. I own both versions and watch them both often.


Dawn of the Dead (remake – 2004)
(original 1978)
This action-packed remake provided some of the scariest zombies and zombie sequences to be seen on film to date. Gore FX, character development, and plot twists were all top notch. We got some classic Zombies in this film; the hungry little girl, the twitcher, the fat lady, the zombie baby… it doesn’t get much better than this. Dare I say it (please hold all hate mail) I like it better than the original.

 Texas Chainsaw Massacre (remake – 2003)
(original 1974)
As much as I loved the original I have to say that this was a great remake. The original had shock value and sheer terror for its time, as well as a bizarre weirdness to it. The new one is a great all around movie in plot and character, intense horror, and dark visual mastery. The action and the pacing were perfect, keeping you engaged ’til the nail-biting end. Love the detective/police investigation, bookends, too!

Halloween (remake – 2007)
(original 1978)
Once you get over the fact that this is a different movie than the original and director Rob Zombie decided to (or perhaps was smart to) go somewhere completely different with the story, this isn’t a bad flick. One of the major differences is the original John Carpenter classic scared us with knuckle-wrenching suspense, creepy mood and atmosphere, while the Rob Zombie version shocks us with brutal violence (which is Rob Zombies forte’). Purists may scream ‘foul’ but this was still much better than all the Halloween sequels, most of which were pure rubbish.


Friday the 13th (remake – 2009)
(original 1980)
This was not really a remake but rather an attempt to revitalize the franchise for a younger generation. If you remember, Jason, the killer in the hockey mask, was not even in the original “Friday” until the very end of the movie (and even then was portrayed as a child). With all Its slick visuals and modern FX, this “new” movie using the character of Jason Vorhees, was forgettable to me as I do not remember one character, one murder, or who the survivor was, if there was one at all.


A Nightmare on Elm Street (remake – 2010)
(original 1980)
There was no reason for this movie to be made considering the recent Freddie Vs. Jason movie had already re-introduced the franchise to a younger generation. Not only did this remake add nothing to the allure of the original Freddie Kruger movie but it actually diminished and watered down the intensity and mysteriousness of Wes Craven’s original masterpiece. Hated it.

———————————————————————————————